The World may not be Burning to the Ground, but let's see How Far I've Come...

I find it ironic that the post I labeled as "(not) my last." Ended up being my last for that semester at least. Would have been my last ever if Harold Camping had been right. Posting once a month turned out to be more than I felt like, but hopefully over summer I can kick back in. Looking back, however, I'm seeing the growth i made this semester and am amazed by what God has done.

In the subject of my Aspergers, I came on campus under the assumption that I had more or less caught up with my Aspergers struggles. I had come so far, how much farther could I really have to go? I was a victorious champion proudly awaiting his next challenge to overcome... Only to be wiped out within moments of entering the next arena.

It took a while for me to become disillusioned, but after I while I noticed that I had been missing social cues, unintentionally offending people, and retaining my habit of speaking out to loud or long at all the wrong times. It got incredibly frustrating at times trying to guess whether someone I was talking to was interested in what I was saying, or just putting up with me and wanted me to leave them alone. Several times I would approach and greet friends, enter into a conversation, only to find out later that I had unwittingly interrupted a girls' night or a "serious conversation."

Before I continue, I want to apologize to anyone I might have bothered or intruded on without realizing it over the past years, and emphasize to any of my readers who have friends, students, or children with AS, that we often struggle to understand what isn't outright told to us. I, personally, would rather have an awkward moment of hearing and realizing a person isn't interested in talking to me than have them later resent me for not picking up on their disinterest.

Back to the story, however. I realized this and made a more conscious effort to pick up on what people were saying, and more importantly, outright ask if I could/should begin or continue a conversation. I also was lucky enough to have a few friends who were both loving and honest in how they brought up my struggles (I'm giving a shoutout to Matt Branco who was a huge source of both helpful encouragement and gentle correction whenever I needed either). Because of this, I've grown in ways I haven't even imagined this year, and hope that I can remain humbly teachable throughout the next three years.

The worst disillusions, however, came in a more simple form: simple pictures and videos of myself. As someone who imagined himself as having defeated his social struggles and become "cool," nothing was more discouraging that seeing an acne-ridden, slouching, awkward little twenty-year-old with a receding hairline and a Facebook tag box with my name on his face. I remembered all the friends I met in high school, who would often complain about how they looked in pictures, and I finally began to understand their pain.

Until I remembered why I didn't understand them in the first place...

When people I know talk about not liking having their picture taken, I find their dislike ridiculous. Okay, maybe they didn't enjoy seeing themselves with physical flaws and all, but I did. Some of my most treasured memories are trapped inside those hundreds of awkward pictures of me and my fellow teenagers, who I enjoyed being around so much that I don't even see the flaws, even now.

That was the most encouraging realization I've had in a long time. That zitty, unshaven college student? That's also the guy all my friends enjoy being friends with. I might not like the look of that guy, but everyone who I thought loved the "cool," more socially adept me, in fact loved him. Him of the inappropriate chatter, the awkwardly low-pitched laugh, the stupid jokes it might have been better not to tell, and the allergic latex rashes covering his neck and face. It was both strange and beautiful that so many people could be friends with this guy.

I then realized, how much more strange and beautiful it is that GOD loves me. The guy who has counted both the hairs on my head and the pimples in my pores, who is more than fully and intimately aware of every personal flaw I can barely admit to myself, LOVES me. Is nuts for me. Died for me so that I can be with him. How crazy is that?

Anyway, that's it for my blog post this time. Hopes are high that the next one shall not be as distant.
-Caleb Ference

The Last Post (Not really): The Cycle I see

A while ago, I went to see one of my professors giving a “last lecture” speech (Dr. Secaur, for those who go to Kent and have heard of him). Though it was not really his last lecture, the idea is from a book called The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. The book has inspired many professors to give a lecture saying what they would say if they only had time for one final lecture about what matters most to them, or what final knowledge they would like to impart on their students before they go. This specific professor had mentioned (in passing) a few times in class that he is a Christian, and the classes I’ve taken with him are some of my favorites (he goes well beyond the extra mile to keep the classes interesting), so I relished the chance to hear him speak.
The lecture wasn’t as spiritually-oriented as I was hoping (instead touching largely on his political beliefs), but it gave me the chance to really see what motivates him and what really matters to him. The thing that stuck with me the most though was the idea itself of a “last (not really) lecture.” I had just become much more familiar with one of my teachers, getting to know him better in less than an hour than I had in any single class period. The entire idea of giving one final (not really) speech to impart one final (not really) idea or value to students was so incredibly deep and thought-provoking to me, and I think it’s one of the most important questions that anyone, especially a teacher or a writer, can ask themselves. Here, then, I decided that I want to write one final (not really) blog post, explaining what the last (not really) thing I would say on here would be if I only had time to say one thing.

Being someone who is constantly absorbing new stories through video games, movies, and books, as well as often trying to come up with new stories, I’m finding that between symbols, allusions, and archetypes that there really are only a handful of plots. Everything is somehow a retelling of something else, from a different story or group of stories, or even from within itself (as is often the case with symbols and foreshadowing). In Harry Potter, for example, much of what happens seems similar to other fantasy stories, or earlier in the series, such as Ron and Harry’s argument and estrangement in Goblet of Fire being very similar to the unrelated and far larger rift that appears in Deathly Hallows. I often try to reflect this idea in my own story writing -- having smaller stories and events reflect what will later occur in the grander plot, or sometimes be a tribute to stories or TV shows I enjoy.
In a lot of ways, I see this constant paralleling happening in real life as well, certain events seem to repeat themselves in unrelated ways, the same story occurring in different places and in different forms. It seems like life history and science itself are filled with the simple cycles of “corruption” and “redemption.” Great kings fall before personal shortcomings, or else overcome them. Chemical reactions change or ruin physical things, but these changes often do a lot of good, and even if not, the changes are sometimes reversible under certain circumstances. And in my personal life I constantly see things being broken before me, only for the pieces to fall into place, forming something new and beautiful.
This great repeating corruption/redemption story appears most importantly in the Bible, with all 66 books being several retellings of the same story -- mankind is corrupted and falls short, unable to do anything to come back to who they were, only for Christ to come and sacrifice himself to cleanse us. Make us as we were before, and often even more. If anyone has not heard the sermon “The Fourth Man; Christ throughout Scripture, (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcjW3DSbMeI)” I would recommend it strongly, as it shows just how everything in the Bible, just like everything in life, points to the simple story or corruption and redemption that is the center of humanity itself.
I truly believe that this story comes from the story of humanity’s corruption and redemption through Jesus, and it is in that story that I see the thing that perhaps separates the corruption from the redemption, and the evil from the good -- selflessness. It was Jesus’ selfless love that saved us. This selflessness is why I try my best (though I don’t claim to always succeed) to be humble and serving to others. Not because of any sort of rule, but because I want to parallel, as best as I can, the love and selflessness that saved me and defines who I am now.
This is also why I dislike movies like the Twilight Saga and find it hard to relate to so many modern antiheroes -- most of the characters preform “good” or “loving” actions for their own sake, rather than for the sake of others. The reason I am often cynical of dating and relationships is that so many are seen to be simply about how the other makes THEM feel, rather than honestly about any true or selfless love for the other. This selfless love is what I want to base my life on, and should I die before I post again, I want my last (not really) post to be about this selflessness.

So how about you? What motivates you? If the comment you were about to leave would be the last (not really) thing you said before you died, what would you say?

-Caleb

Old Writing - Swearing in Movies

Today's post is going to be closer to what I normally do. Over two years ago, I posted a Facebook note about my opinion on swearing in movies. I've reposted this discussion a few times since, but here it is again, revised slightly.

Let me start by stating my veiws on swearing in general: I do believe it's wrong (James 3:3-12). When we curse, we want to hurt and shock people, we want to draw attention to ourselves, and our tounges can do that. That is why I disagree with people who call swear words "just words." They DO offend people. People DO use them to hurt and insult others. They DO create enough reaction that companies usually censor them. This is why I, personally, try to not swear (with occasional failures), but why I try not to give people a hard time with swearing in and of itself.

I think that the sin isn't as much in the formation of the words as much as the desire to offend someone, or the anger involved.

When an actor swears in a movie, then he doesn't have the attitudes that generally provoke it, hes only simulating them for his character. So, objectively, this isn't any more wrong than when any other actor depicts any other sin.

However, swearing is one of the most contagious and hard to stop sins that I can think of. I know MANY Christians who have stuggled with this at some point in thier life, and part of that may be because we see it so often in movies, and it works its way into our thoughts. When we get angry, we lose some self-controll and swear. If we show it in movies, then it may become harder to avoid, as we hear it more often.

So the question seems to be whether there's a need for the swear word in the plot or events of the movie. Though some might be insignificant, I do believe there are reasons for swearing that MIGHT be valid.

1. Realism -- Some movies want to show the world as it is, or at least how the filmmakers see it, and the fact is that people swear. To make a movie with people that don't swear wouldn't be as realistic or believable. Now if it's a kid show, then they needn't have belivability, and therefore no swearing.
2. Characterization -- I'm not gonna lie, my opinion of people is usually affected by their language, and I doubt that I'm the only one (Yet another reason I don't swear). Same applies in movies. In a show such as Smallville, there's an innocence seen when one character rarely, if ever, uses a dirty word in a show in which other characters do. And some characters show thier loss of innocence (by alien influences or general corruption) when they use swear words. The same works in reverse, I see chacters as flawed if they swear, such as Will Smith's characters or Jack Baur.
3. Humor -- Not a huge thing, but the fact is that many lines or jokes are funnier if they use swear words, if nothing else than for shock value. Infamous Will Smith quote: "ACHOO! Oh sorry, I'm allergic to bulls***." from I, Robot. Or the running gags in Hancock with the "Your heads going up his a**." and "Call me an a**-hole one more time." Admitedly, there might be cleaner words for the joke, but the shock value and characterization added to the humor give it some points.
4. People should know them -- This one even I don't buy. Though you could argue that embarassing or akward situations can arise if you don't understand an inappropriate word, it's the job of THAT individual to find out about such things, not the movie to tell them.

So the question becomes what's more important, the above advantages, or the negative side effects? I, personally, have mixed feelings about this. I am interested in writing movies and tv shows as a career, but as of now don't intend to impliment swear words in any stories I write. Though I do admit that the realism does appeal to me, I don't think it's worth "tainting" my stories and making them inappropriate for younger kids, especially since my main areas of interest are SF and fantasy, which have little to no realism to beging with.

Ending queston: What about the thriller writers who DO write about Earth and more terrestial threats that are intended for older audiences? Is it preferable, okay, or even excusable for them to implement cursing and swearing into thier stories so that they can better depict thier world?

What does anyone think? Comments on swearing in movies? Swearing in general?

-Caleb

Old Writing - Am I an Essay or Am I a Poem?

This month, I'm hoping to post a few times with thing's I've written in the past. Today I'm going to post something I'm sure a lot of you I've known for a while have seen. I wrote it a year and a half ago and am still quite proud of it.

As you read me, I must wonder – Am I an essay, or am I a poem? Looking upon myself, it seems I am simply an essay. My simple words, basic components of a larger work, form sentences in a simple prose and organize themselves as paragraphs do, with each larger part connecting the rest and serving the whole. I have not stanza nor meter nor rhyme, and as I reason with myself, as a scholar with his companions, I present reasoning to reach a conclusion, regardless of whether I find it.
However, upon a second look, I wonder if I am a poem. Though prose, my words have been carefully chosen, designed beautifully and artistically to fulfill my purpose. I convey and contain as much emotion as information and intelligence. My pattern, my style, my tone – they are neither academic nor professional, and they often contradict themselves. I may lack the meter and rhythm of the great poets of the past, but did even they always use rhyme and rhythm? Perhaps I am no more flawed than they. Perhaps my paragraphs are stanzas; perhaps my sentences lines.
Whatever I am, and whatever my purpose, it seems I am only here for the sake of my author. I do not understand why parts of myself exist, and I often feel weaker because I lack the beauty of other works, but I trust my author. I trust that he has a plan for me, and that I can do credit to his purposes. I was made to do what he intended, though I may not always know what it is. Perhaps I am not an essay, and perhaps I am not a poem. Created to fulfill a purpose I do not completely understand, and to bring credit and praise to my creator, perhaps I am merely a human.

Let me know what you think.
-Caleb

Diversity

Season’s greetings, readers! I’ve been wanting to post all week, but I was having difficulty thinking of a worthy topic. Any suggestions or questions that I can write on in future posts would be appreciated. For now I’m going to talk about something that, as a Kent State student, I hear spoken of a lot -- diversity.

Kent State University has a love for diversity and a pride for how much of it they have on this campus. By “diversity,” I/they mean having and teaching about a mixture of different races, religions, and other related walks of life. This is most obvious in places such as the stater and in some of the magazines produced by JMC.

The bottom line of my opinion on this is, against the grain as it may be, that “diversity” is overemphasized here at Kent. Not that I think that it’s unimportant (quite the opposite, I LOVE talking to students who come from other countries or have beliefs or opinions that vary from my own), I just think that Kent’s focus on it is stronger than is necessary. They chase it as an end in and of itself, and discuss it to an extent that I have no doubt has gotten on the nerves of most students here. It becomes counter-productive at times, with so much emphasis placed on minorities that it feels segregating in and of itself. However, though I think it’s overdone, I still understand the reasoning behind it, and don’t plan to argue that it needs to be changed (there are other, more pressing, problems they should address here first).

However, this being said, I think that there is, at times, a double standard to this diversity of people and worldviews. The most significant one is a proposition by some of the “higher ups” here, notably President Lester Lefton, that the number of Kent Core classes should be cut to give students a more unified foundation in their education and cut costs to the university. (Explanation: Kent Core, also known as Liberal Education Requirements, are classes all students have to take to graduate. There are several options we can choose from, though, and few classes here that everyone “must” take.) However, the very point about unified education opposes the idea of diversity. Taking a variety of people and giving them similar classes to “unite” them in their education is not diversity; it’s a melting pot, if not also a statement that students must carry certain values or interests. The fact that there is flexibility and options in what we study is what makes the Kent Core useful.

Finally, I think that the idea of religious diversity is ridiculous. A religion isn’t something a person is born with, nor is it an indifferent choice one makes. Religions are belief systems and truth claims that form the very foundation of a person’s worldview. People of different religions cannot celebrate their difference the way that different races can. Christians believe, I won’t sugar-coat it, that those who do not accept Christ are wrong to do so and will be eternal implications for this stance. Catholics, Muslims, Buddhists, and other religions usually claim similarly -- that those who do not accept their beliefs will be punished for it. The idea of religious diversity lies in an assumption that all religions are more or less equal, or equally true. This simply cannot be; Jesus claimed to be “THE way, THE truth, and THE light,” other religions state things that don’t mix with other religions. The idea of religions as truth claims is that only one can be true, and any that contradict that truth must then be wrong. If all religions are equally true, then the only logical assumption is that none of them are, and therefore the idea is filled with atheistic or at least agnostic assumptions. Religious diversity, or attempts to achieve it, is not diverse at all.

Does anyone agree? Disagree?

-Caleb Ference

Pokemon!

Hey faithful readers! Today I wanted to post about something I have no doubt any of you who know me well have heard me speak of already -- Pokemon.

For the few people who don’t know, Pokemon is a video game franchise (that I have more or less been a fan of since I was about 9), a trading card game (which I am also a fan of and play at a weekly league), and an anime series (which I stopped following when it switched to cable only when I was about 14). In it, one captures and battles creatures called Pokemon, and there are extensive strategies about how to make Pokemon stronger and use them in battles. Over its time, it’s gone from the original 150 species to what is now over 600 (as of the yet-to-be-released-in-America new games).

As to my interest in Pokemon, I first played it at my grandparent’s house on my cousin’s gameboy. I was incredibly addicted overnight, though I couldn’t really finish the game as my cousin had me restart it every time I played it. After a while, though, my mom wouldn’t let me anywhere near it. She heard on the radio that the games contained channeling (which, to be fair, they did. though it was hardly a central part of it), and didn’t let me or my siblings play them. She did eventually relent (I honestly forget why), and the craze continued back on its way, and has for 10 years. It’s been somewhat on and off as I grow older and cycle between losing and rediscovering interest, but of my obsessive interests, this is one of the biggest overall.

Why am I so interested in it, despite my being 10 years past it’s targeted demographic? I’ve thought about it a lot, actually, and the best answer I can give myself is that it is, simply, fun. Thoughtful card games, well-made and addictive video games, and a world that is simple enough to explain in a small paragraph yet complex enough to require several hundred page strategy guides, it’s incredibly easy to get pulled into it once you let yourself. And no wonder it’s an Aspergers soft spot; it was created by Satoshi Tajiri, who was diagnosed with it himself. He based the idea of tradable creatures from his own fascination with insect collecting.

Where am I right now in my Pokemon addiction? I have several friends who are also interested in it, and I cannot tell you how much, being someone who’s been in and out of countless Aspergers addictions, it makes a difference having people I know and respect share an interest with me like this. I go to a Pokemon Card game league on Thursday nights, and still play my video games, though somewhat less than I used to. I’ve been watching Pokemon news and information sites for information on the American release of the next games, which I very much look forward to, as well as reading up on the world in the games and cards (I am dead serious when I say there is enough complexity in the games to write volumes of encyclopedias). I would recommend Pokemon in an instant, especially to people with things like Aspergers, however, beware! It is incredibly addictive, and I can tell from experience it is incredibly easy to take the series more seriously than it is intended. Don’t give it any more time or money than it deserves...

Thank you for reading, ttyl, YBIC and @
-Caleb

Politics vs Entertainment

Hey everyone! Sorry my previous posts have been so few and far between! Every time I start a new topic, I end up deciding not to finish it, think I have a better topic, or just plain forgetting about it and starting a new one, rinsing and repeating.

I figure I need to start posting again to make up for lost weeks that I haven’t written anything to turn in for my College Writing Journal. I lost 4 pages of a story I was writing recently, so this is something I need to stay on top of.

The topic today is one that I’ve discussed with people several times, and may be one of my more debatable opinions -- why I think that entertainment is more influential than politics.

First, my views on politics. I, personally, consider myself to be a conservative independent, but more and more I dislike attaching labels like “conservative” onto my beliefs. I stand for what I stand for, and my views on government, economics, gay rights, abortion, and all those other issues are all based on what I think of the issue -- not what those I associate myself with say. I am a Christ-follower first and foremost.

That being said, there are people who attach themselves to political parties and alignments, and I do not think it’s wrong for them to do so. Nor am I trying to imply that all members of a given party think the same way or have the same opinions. There are just assumptions one gives to those party labels I do not, personally, want. But the labels exist, and people are given them.

Now, regardless of your political beliefs, ask yourself what you would do if you heard that a famous politician you disagreed with was going to be in your town. Either you wouldn’t bother going -- you don’t care to hear what he has to say, or you would go, but take everything he says with a grain of salt (I know my readers though, and I know that some people might go with an open mind -- and the more credit to them, but that’s not the norm). People try to avoid political speeches they disagree with.

Now think of the TV shows or books you watch regularly. Do you honestly agree with the ideas in the show? Have you ever been influenced or challenged by an idea in a movie you disagreed with? I know that I, personally, am a fan of the TV show House, though there is virtually nothing in the show I agree with, it’s funny and interesting to watch. Some of my favorite shows, such as Star Trek, Stargate, and Psych, also have ideas and morals behind them I often find myself disagreeing with, and I know a lot of my friends who have the same view. People will watch a show or read a book they like, even if they disagree with everything about it.

Imagine, then, the power the entertainers of the world have. Obama can get his followers support and explain his ideas to them, and the people who end up fighting for or against it are the ones who try and stay politically informed and involved. James Cameron can make a movie about the evils of imperialism and the military, and over 2 million people will watch it in theaters, and even more when it comes out on DVD. Even if we disagree with it, we are exposed to the idea, and affected by it.

The entertainment media, then, has a power to either manipulate us or inform us, just like politicians, only they face the reality that those who listen will not only be those who already more or less agree, but rather those who are interested in the movie’s plot and characters. I think this is something a lot of Christians can overlook in their ministry, and now so many of us fight for political issues that we’ve practically turned our faith into a political party of its own, when almost no one who doesn’t agree with us is willing to listen.

This is a big part of the reason why I am pursuing a career in cinema. I would like to communicate my values, my beliefs, and even my faith to the rest of the world, but I would like to do it in a way that they would still be willing to listen even if they ultimately disagree.

So what do you all think? Agree? Disagree? Anything to add? I look forward to reading comments.

YBIC

-Caleb