Old Writing - Am I an Essay or Am I a Poem?

This month, I'm hoping to post a few times with thing's I've written in the past. Today I'm going to post something I'm sure a lot of you I've known for a while have seen. I wrote it a year and a half ago and am still quite proud of it.

As you read me, I must wonder – Am I an essay, or am I a poem? Looking upon myself, it seems I am simply an essay. My simple words, basic components of a larger work, form sentences in a simple prose and organize themselves as paragraphs do, with each larger part connecting the rest and serving the whole. I have not stanza nor meter nor rhyme, and as I reason with myself, as a scholar with his companions, I present reasoning to reach a conclusion, regardless of whether I find it.
However, upon a second look, I wonder if I am a poem. Though prose, my words have been carefully chosen, designed beautifully and artistically to fulfill my purpose. I convey and contain as much emotion as information and intelligence. My pattern, my style, my tone – they are neither academic nor professional, and they often contradict themselves. I may lack the meter and rhythm of the great poets of the past, but did even they always use rhyme and rhythm? Perhaps I am no more flawed than they. Perhaps my paragraphs are stanzas; perhaps my sentences lines.
Whatever I am, and whatever my purpose, it seems I am only here for the sake of my author. I do not understand why parts of myself exist, and I often feel weaker because I lack the beauty of other works, but I trust my author. I trust that he has a plan for me, and that I can do credit to his purposes. I was made to do what he intended, though I may not always know what it is. Perhaps I am not an essay, and perhaps I am not a poem. Created to fulfill a purpose I do not completely understand, and to bring credit and praise to my creator, perhaps I am merely a human.

Let me know what you think.
-Caleb

Diversity

Season’s greetings, readers! I’ve been wanting to post all week, but I was having difficulty thinking of a worthy topic. Any suggestions or questions that I can write on in future posts would be appreciated. For now I’m going to talk about something that, as a Kent State student, I hear spoken of a lot -- diversity.

Kent State University has a love for diversity and a pride for how much of it they have on this campus. By “diversity,” I/they mean having and teaching about a mixture of different races, religions, and other related walks of life. This is most obvious in places such as the stater and in some of the magazines produced by JMC.

The bottom line of my opinion on this is, against the grain as it may be, that “diversity” is overemphasized here at Kent. Not that I think that it’s unimportant (quite the opposite, I LOVE talking to students who come from other countries or have beliefs or opinions that vary from my own), I just think that Kent’s focus on it is stronger than is necessary. They chase it as an end in and of itself, and discuss it to an extent that I have no doubt has gotten on the nerves of most students here. It becomes counter-productive at times, with so much emphasis placed on minorities that it feels segregating in and of itself. However, though I think it’s overdone, I still understand the reasoning behind it, and don’t plan to argue that it needs to be changed (there are other, more pressing, problems they should address here first).

However, this being said, I think that there is, at times, a double standard to this diversity of people and worldviews. The most significant one is a proposition by some of the “higher ups” here, notably President Lester Lefton, that the number of Kent Core classes should be cut to give students a more unified foundation in their education and cut costs to the university. (Explanation: Kent Core, also known as Liberal Education Requirements, are classes all students have to take to graduate. There are several options we can choose from, though, and few classes here that everyone “must” take.) However, the very point about unified education opposes the idea of diversity. Taking a variety of people and giving them similar classes to “unite” them in their education is not diversity; it’s a melting pot, if not also a statement that students must carry certain values or interests. The fact that there is flexibility and options in what we study is what makes the Kent Core useful.

Finally, I think that the idea of religious diversity is ridiculous. A religion isn’t something a person is born with, nor is it an indifferent choice one makes. Religions are belief systems and truth claims that form the very foundation of a person’s worldview. People of different religions cannot celebrate their difference the way that different races can. Christians believe, I won’t sugar-coat it, that those who do not accept Christ are wrong to do so and will be eternal implications for this stance. Catholics, Muslims, Buddhists, and other religions usually claim similarly -- that those who do not accept their beliefs will be punished for it. The idea of religious diversity lies in an assumption that all religions are more or less equal, or equally true. This simply cannot be; Jesus claimed to be “THE way, THE truth, and THE light,” other religions state things that don’t mix with other religions. The idea of religions as truth claims is that only one can be true, and any that contradict that truth must then be wrong. If all religions are equally true, then the only logical assumption is that none of them are, and therefore the idea is filled with atheistic or at least agnostic assumptions. Religious diversity, or attempts to achieve it, is not diverse at all.

Does anyone agree? Disagree?

-Caleb Ference

Pokemon!

Hey faithful readers! Today I wanted to post about something I have no doubt any of you who know me well have heard me speak of already -- Pokemon.

For the few people who don’t know, Pokemon is a video game franchise (that I have more or less been a fan of since I was about 9), a trading card game (which I am also a fan of and play at a weekly league), and an anime series (which I stopped following when it switched to cable only when I was about 14). In it, one captures and battles creatures called Pokemon, and there are extensive strategies about how to make Pokemon stronger and use them in battles. Over its time, it’s gone from the original 150 species to what is now over 600 (as of the yet-to-be-released-in-America new games).

As to my interest in Pokemon, I first played it at my grandparent’s house on my cousin’s gameboy. I was incredibly addicted overnight, though I couldn’t really finish the game as my cousin had me restart it every time I played it. After a while, though, my mom wouldn’t let me anywhere near it. She heard on the radio that the games contained channeling (which, to be fair, they did. though it was hardly a central part of it), and didn’t let me or my siblings play them. She did eventually relent (I honestly forget why), and the craze continued back on its way, and has for 10 years. It’s been somewhat on and off as I grow older and cycle between losing and rediscovering interest, but of my obsessive interests, this is one of the biggest overall.

Why am I so interested in it, despite my being 10 years past it’s targeted demographic? I’ve thought about it a lot, actually, and the best answer I can give myself is that it is, simply, fun. Thoughtful card games, well-made and addictive video games, and a world that is simple enough to explain in a small paragraph yet complex enough to require several hundred page strategy guides, it’s incredibly easy to get pulled into it once you let yourself. And no wonder it’s an Aspergers soft spot; it was created by Satoshi Tajiri, who was diagnosed with it himself. He based the idea of tradable creatures from his own fascination with insect collecting.

Where am I right now in my Pokemon addiction? I have several friends who are also interested in it, and I cannot tell you how much, being someone who’s been in and out of countless Aspergers addictions, it makes a difference having people I know and respect share an interest with me like this. I go to a Pokemon Card game league on Thursday nights, and still play my video games, though somewhat less than I used to. I’ve been watching Pokemon news and information sites for information on the American release of the next games, which I very much look forward to, as well as reading up on the world in the games and cards (I am dead serious when I say there is enough complexity in the games to write volumes of encyclopedias). I would recommend Pokemon in an instant, especially to people with things like Aspergers, however, beware! It is incredibly addictive, and I can tell from experience it is incredibly easy to take the series more seriously than it is intended. Don’t give it any more time or money than it deserves...

Thank you for reading, ttyl, YBIC and @
-Caleb

Politics vs Entertainment

Hey everyone! Sorry my previous posts have been so few and far between! Every time I start a new topic, I end up deciding not to finish it, think I have a better topic, or just plain forgetting about it and starting a new one, rinsing and repeating.

I figure I need to start posting again to make up for lost weeks that I haven’t written anything to turn in for my College Writing Journal. I lost 4 pages of a story I was writing recently, so this is something I need to stay on top of.

The topic today is one that I’ve discussed with people several times, and may be one of my more debatable opinions -- why I think that entertainment is more influential than politics.

First, my views on politics. I, personally, consider myself to be a conservative independent, but more and more I dislike attaching labels like “conservative” onto my beliefs. I stand for what I stand for, and my views on government, economics, gay rights, abortion, and all those other issues are all based on what I think of the issue -- not what those I associate myself with say. I am a Christ-follower first and foremost.

That being said, there are people who attach themselves to political parties and alignments, and I do not think it’s wrong for them to do so. Nor am I trying to imply that all members of a given party think the same way or have the same opinions. There are just assumptions one gives to those party labels I do not, personally, want. But the labels exist, and people are given them.

Now, regardless of your political beliefs, ask yourself what you would do if you heard that a famous politician you disagreed with was going to be in your town. Either you wouldn’t bother going -- you don’t care to hear what he has to say, or you would go, but take everything he says with a grain of salt (I know my readers though, and I know that some people might go with an open mind -- and the more credit to them, but that’s not the norm). People try to avoid political speeches they disagree with.

Now think of the TV shows or books you watch regularly. Do you honestly agree with the ideas in the show? Have you ever been influenced or challenged by an idea in a movie you disagreed with? I know that I, personally, am a fan of the TV show House, though there is virtually nothing in the show I agree with, it’s funny and interesting to watch. Some of my favorite shows, such as Star Trek, Stargate, and Psych, also have ideas and morals behind them I often find myself disagreeing with, and I know a lot of my friends who have the same view. People will watch a show or read a book they like, even if they disagree with everything about it.

Imagine, then, the power the entertainers of the world have. Obama can get his followers support and explain his ideas to them, and the people who end up fighting for or against it are the ones who try and stay politically informed and involved. James Cameron can make a movie about the evils of imperialism and the military, and over 2 million people will watch it in theaters, and even more when it comes out on DVD. Even if we disagree with it, we are exposed to the idea, and affected by it.

The entertainment media, then, has a power to either manipulate us or inform us, just like politicians, only they face the reality that those who listen will not only be those who already more or less agree, but rather those who are interested in the movie’s plot and characters. I think this is something a lot of Christians can overlook in their ministry, and now so many of us fight for political issues that we’ve practically turned our faith into a political party of its own, when almost no one who doesn’t agree with us is willing to listen.

This is a big part of the reason why I am pursuing a career in cinema. I would like to communicate my values, my beliefs, and even my faith to the rest of the world, but I would like to do it in a way that they would still be willing to listen even if they ultimately disagree.

So what do you all think? Agree? Disagree? Anything to add? I look forward to reading comments.

YBIC

-Caleb

And so Begins the Quest...

Due to an overwhelming stroke of luck, (or just a cool class instructor) one of my college classes has a Journal assignment that I can use to write Blog posts.

It’s been a week since I started classes at Kent State. I honestly don’t know what more to say than that. I’ve been able to catch up with several old friends, meet several new people, and talk to several old friends. Classes are an adjustment, but I’m somehow managing to adjust. The fact that I’m commuting makes the overall transition easier, but it also makes things more exhausting making the 20-30 minute drive every morning and evening.

The blog, however, is about my Aspergers Syndrome, and I wanted to take some time to mention how I think that’s affected my college life so far.

The most obvious challenges I face are the social ones. So far I seem to be doing well, but as always there’s the overhanging quirks and tendencies to talk that people have to put up with. Overall, though, this aspect hasn’t been as disastrous as I feared it might be. I thank God for that.

An issue I am running into, however, is concentrating on my classes. I am taking 17 credit hours, which I don’t think is past my abilities, but it does mean I have a solid workload to face. Not being able to focus in class and on my homework simply will not be an option from here on. My homeschooling has done a good job of preparing me for being independent in my work, however, so that gives me an edge.

My previously mentioned frustration with reading, however, is going to be a huge issue. I have a lot of textbook reading, and a somewhat atrophied words-per-minute skill. I am hoping that as time goes on I can be a fast reader again, but in the meantime this could end up being a long next several weeks.

Another, maybe one of the biggest, thing I am facing now though isn’t in my reading, but in my writing. Already I have one class that won’t allow a computer use during class and another that might have frequent or at least semi-frequent handwritten assignments in or out of class. Unlike my reading issues, however, this one won’t go away with retraining -- I’ve made only limited progress on my handwriting over the past several years of CROWN, and whatever I need to fix that can’t be easily learned. Right now I am working on getting accommodations, but at the rate things are going, I may have to just deal with handwriting some during the semester, and hope I can do well enough.

Despite all the challenges I’m facing, however, and the ones that have yet to become fully apparent, I am truly looking forward to this year. The chance to overcome these challenges is made much more minor in light of Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Already I’ve built and strengthened several friendships as well as focused, read, and written through a week of classes without any major snags. Let us pray that I can hold on to my beginner’s luck for another 15 weeks.

Bye and YBIC

-Caleb

The D-Word

This next post is another off-topic discussion, I’ll hopefully write some about how my Aspergers is affecting me in college after I’ve been through enough college to know.

As I’m starting at Kent, I’m noticing a lot of mention and discussion of relationships. I’ve seen that this can be a touchy issue for some people, as some talk about how badly they want a boyfriend/girlfriend, or others have strong opinions of varying levels of actual logic. My own opinion of romance and relationships, however, goes very much against the grain.

I think dating, especially in high school or early college, is silly.

Not to say I think it’s sinful, nor do I think that all relationships in high school are doomed to fail. I just think that, even when nothing is lost from a relationship due to it (and something is almost always lost), little to nothing is gained. Again, I AM aware that people can keep relationships innocent and decent by being pure and focusing relationships on God, but even so, what is gained? What do high school couples have that they would not have if they simply remained friends until they were older?

I’ll start by saying that I AM a believer in the idea of God creating people with specific future spouses in mind. God works in these people’s lives to bring them together to serve each other and ultimately serve him. And I have seen, especially through my parents, how amazing genuine Christ-centered marriages can be when they allow Him to work.

However, my first point is that even if these people meet as teenagers, high school and college are the years where a person begins to form into who they’re going to be for the rest of their life. Most teenagers I know were completely different people last year, and even more different two years ago, and the year before that, and so on. With those changes come both changes in standards and values when it comes to the opposite sex, as well as changes to what standards or values you meet. If someone plans to spend the rest of their life with someone else, it is a better idea to wait until after the tumultuous teenage years are over, so that both people have a foggy idea on who they’ll be for the rest of their life.

My second reason for thinking that young couples are counter-productive is more obvious -- the risks. A lot of the risks are obvious, such as the temptation to “go farther” and the possibility of awkwardness if the relationship doesn’t work, but somehow they both seem to be overlooked. The thing to keep in mind is that relationships do NOT have a rewind button. A lot of people talk about staying pure in such a way that they see it as a lifeline; if they haven’t done this, they can be friends after. I can say, however, that every failed relationship I’ve seen has had some form of scar, even though some are minor. While I do admit that I’ve seen relationships end peacefully, there is still something lost. What was a great friendship has an awkward pause that wasn’t there before. This is my biggest personal reason for not dating in high school -- my close female friends mean too much to me to risk a needless awkward pause through what is at best a blind stab.

My third reason, and another big one, is the shifting of focus. The fact is that when people become close to people of the opposite sex, the relationship DOES take more time, thought, and effort than normal friendships, even in Christians. I’ve seen a lot of Christians lose sight of their higher goals by pursuing a girl and coming to God for her sake, rather than pursuing God and coming to a girl for his sake. Being someone who spends a lot of time with fellow Christians, I, myself, often have to go to extra effort to make sure my “humility” or “righteousness” isn’t just to impress someone -- girl, friend, authority, or otherwise. When I find that I am just acting for someone other than God, it takes a lot more effort to change than “normal” character flaws, which are apparent at a glance, because the former can be hard to see in both yourself and others. By putting the effort I would otherwise put into a girl directly on God, I can make genuine growth, and serve where I need for Christ in all areas of life -- including, but no longer limited to, my relationship with my future wife.

Now that I’ve described all the reasons I have AGAINST a certain type of relationship, I should say what type of relationship I think is good. In high school, I think that there is a lot more to be said for friendship -- both same and different sex friendships -- than there often is. Right now I’m putting my effort and thoughts into personal growth in my relationship with Christ, as well as into my friendships with others. Over the years, I’ve become close to dozens of people -- guys and girls -- and have been changed, challenged, led, followed, and taught me in ways that have shaped a lot of who I am today. Had I put that effort into one girl, then I would not have that growth.

I do believe, though, that whoever it is out there that God made for me, whether I’ve met her yet or not, God plans to bring us together in our friendship. I can grow, and if God puts her on my heart, we can have a mature, healthy, relationship. I would rather choose a relationship because it’s best for my friendship with a girl than get a girl because I think I need the relationship. And anything that I would want out of a relationship -- having someone to spend time with, talk to, ect, I already have with the friends I spend time with now.

One final point is a philosophy I’ve often found useful in thinking straight about girls, and I’ve seen people in relationships be helped by this train of thought as well: Everyone you meet is either the one God plans for you to marry, or he/she isn’t. If it’s the first, then the best thing to do for now is to keep the relationship pure and the friendship strong until God tells you otherwise. If it’s the latter, then they can still be a valuable friend and an important part of each other’s life, you just need to make sure that it stays in a place you won’t be ashamed of when you are finally married. No matter what, the friendship trumps everything, and God eventually reveals what he wants from a given friendship -- for better, for worse, or for life.

This came out to be a rather long post, but there is quite a lot to say on it. Feel free to comment if you have anything to add, or if you disagree with something I say.

As always, your Brother in Christ

-Caleb Ference

Friends are awsome things

Once again it's been a while since my last post. I'm sorry about that. I'm not sure that posting weekly is going to be easy if I want to keep my posts interesting and worth reading.

In previous posts, I've talked a lot about obsticals I face and tools I use to face them. Today, I want to mention what has been easily the biggest help in my growing and maturing in overcoming my struggles -- Friends and family.

I want to make a shoutout now to my Mom, who has been INCREDIBLE all these years in her patience with my issues, ability to gently tell me when I'm wandering off, and snap me back when I cross a line. I owe a lot of the progress I've made to her help. Thanks Mom!

On a broader note, my entire family has been great in their patience and tolerance when it comes to my quirks and stuggles. My friends, also, have been a huge help at times when my family isn't immidiatly around. Several of my friends (who I trust know who they are) have learned quite well to spot my quirks and let me know if something goes over my head, sit with me if I need a breath after I get overwhelmed, correct me gently or bluntly as needed, and just all-around being friends with me despite my tendancies to act strangely.

As for an application from this, all I can really say to other Aspies is that surrounding yourself with patient, loving people is the best way to mature and find stuggles. Anyone else, you do me and people with similar issues to me a huge favor if you're willing to just tell us when we say or do something that we didn't notice we shouldn't have done (but, as with anyone you correct, make sure you've earned the authority or respect to do so). I, personally, rarely catch myself in my issues and stupid moments, so having an outside source tell me if I need to stop something is infinitely helpful.

So friends and family -- Pat yourselves on the back and give yourself a hug.
Bye, YBIC, and @

-Caleb